I don't have words to express any of my feelings. The dissapointment and grief has been crushing. When I received the call that mom had passed away many thoughts came to my head that I had to wrestle with. I questioned If I had a lack of faith, or was unworthy of the miracle I wanted so much. Then I was flooded with these thoughts. My mom is the miracle. My 22 years with her as my mother was a miracle. Her Family is a miracle. She's no longer in pain, that's a miracle. All my precious memories are a miracle. The Atonement is a miracle. The Restoration is a miracle. So I still believe in miracles, I have been witness to many. I'm so grateful she's not hurting or scared. I attribute so much of me to my mom, my love for children, my love for all the beautiful simple things, and so much more. I love Alma 40:12 "And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow." That's all i've ever wanted for you mom, it is quite thrilling to think of you having it. The moments you would look at me like I was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen or praise me for a poem i had written like I was the most talented person you'd ever met have done so much for me.I know i'm not but I know you really believed it. You've always loved poetry and i wish I had the talent to express all that I want but this poem is for you my angel mother.
The day has come too soon for me
My angel mother I cannot see,
Time here seems so very long
but in my heart you are a song,
A song of love and warmth so pure
The kind of song that will endure,
That's why a missionary I chose to be
To sing that song you've sung to me,
Thankyou for all you've taught
Something that could not be bought,
In this work I've had many tell me I'm wrong
but now more than ever I don't doubt the song,
Though in sorrow my head I bow
Because you're my angel mother now,
The truth is that's nothing new to me
My angel mother you've always been and will be.
It was a tender mercy to recieve you're birthday card early mom. I love you and like you so much too. I'm honored to be your baby. I am so grateful that even though you had your hands more than full you added me to the beautiful picture of your life. I miss you so much but i'm so excited for forever. I know you are the busiest most beautiful angel up there and now you have no limits and can serve all you've want.. wow i bet you're happy. This has turned into a letter to my mom but i would like to thank all of you for all the love and support. I want you to know I know that God lives and that families are forever!